Failure at life
Failure at everything
Failure at all things human.
I can't reach my usual standard
Or anyone's standard
I'm always falling through my plans of success
I can't do anything right anymore
And there's no end to this, no, never
I'll never get where I want to go
Because this life is too hard
And I'm too easily depressed
When your whole future is dependent
On your actions as an immature child,
How can you ever ensure your own safety?
12.13.2012
Thursday, December 13, 2012
All these things
That I see
They were never meant for me
Carry on
Far away
You'll return before the day
Cannot see
Where I am
The darkness is closing in
Paralyzed
In my head
I will see you when I'm dead!
I cannot hide
From the emptiness inside
You are a gem in my existence
All over the world
Little boys, little girls
Can see...
This life is not for me.
NO!
This life is not for me...
12 o'clock midnight, 12.11.2012
That I see
They were never meant for me
Carry on
Far away
You'll return before the day
Cannot see
Where I am
The darkness is closing in
Paralyzed
In my head
I will see you when I'm dead!
I cannot hide
From the emptiness inside
You are a gem in my existence
All over the world
Little boys, little girls
Can see...
This life is not for me.
NO!
This life is not for me...
12 o'clock midnight, 12.11.2012
Friday, August 10, 2012
Rejected.
Damn, I can't sleep now.
The only thing I've known for a year,
The hope I've lived by,
Has just been denied,
And my heart is lying dead
Under the axe.
At this point
In my life
I'm used to rejection,
After all,
My kind isn't socially popular.
But to be rejected
By your true love;
That is real pain.
My unrequited love
Could have lasted forever;
And now I can't even look at her
For fear of awkwardness.
Even after I tell her,
Why don't things change?
She wants things to be the same,
And I haven't the heart
To tell her that that will never be possible.
I can never see things the same.
But now I must change my thinking,
And find somebody else
For her sake.
Because I love her.
August 10, 2012.
Damn, I can't sleep now.
The only thing I've known for a year,
The hope I've lived by,
Has just been denied,
And my heart is lying dead
Under the axe.
At this point
In my life
I'm used to rejection,
After all,
My kind isn't socially popular.
But to be rejected
By your true love;
That is real pain.
My unrequited love
Could have lasted forever;
And now I can't even look at her
For fear of awkwardness.
Even after I tell her,
Why don't things change?
She wants things to be the same,
And I haven't the heart
To tell her that that will never be possible.
I can never see things the same.
But now I must change my thinking,
And find somebody else
For her sake.
Because I love her.
August 10, 2012.
Sunday, June 17, 2012
Taking One for Humanity
So I miss my past
The people in it,
Friends and whatnot
It's hard to see them in pictures on Facebook
After years of not seeing them in person.
Years.
Things change,
And they're no longer the people I knew.
And I can't help but feel like
I let some very valuable people go.
It's true that
I'm the type of person
Who doesn't realize what she's missed
Until she sees how well things
Are going without her.
Perhaps it's jealousy;
I did consider that point.
When out of all your life
There's one thing that turns out all right,
But you make it end,
And it goes away and nothing after that
Turns out the same,
Well,
It's just sad to know what could have been.
I'm not writing a love story here;
It's not just him I miss.
My friends too;
I had friends before the big divorce and move.
Well, at least
I think I did.
Of course,
Now I'm not really sure.
But my problem here is not that I wish I could
Once again be with these people,
But that's part of it.
My problem is that
I'm missing my past that's moved forward,
And I feel guilty about it because I'm very happy
With the people I'm surrounded with now.
I love my friends with all my heart,
And I've got a girl that I love too,
Though things aren't exactly as I'd have them be.
And it makes me think
That maybe
It's okay for friends to grow apart;
That's part of growing up.
And it's okay for people to change
Because it's not about being apart from your old friends
And changing them back to fit your memories
When you meet again.
It's okay for people to grow and change and
Get new friends,
Because that's just how humanity works,
And that's how you end up
Surrounded by people you adore.
That's when you discover
That changing your past is worthless
And trying to keep up
Is pointless
Because there's people around you
Who love you
Even as you're changing.
And this discovery
Makes all the difference.
June 17, 2012
So I miss my past
The people in it,
Friends and whatnot
It's hard to see them in pictures on Facebook
After years of not seeing them in person.
Years.
Things change,
And they're no longer the people I knew.
And I can't help but feel like
I let some very valuable people go.
It's true that
I'm the type of person
Who doesn't realize what she's missed
Until she sees how well things
Are going without her.
Perhaps it's jealousy;
I did consider that point.
When out of all your life
There's one thing that turns out all right,
But you make it end,
And it goes away and nothing after that
Turns out the same,
Well,
It's just sad to know what could have been.
I'm not writing a love story here;
It's not just him I miss.
My friends too;
I had friends before the big divorce and move.
Well, at least
I think I did.
Of course,
Now I'm not really sure.
But my problem here is not that I wish I could
Once again be with these people,
But that's part of it.
My problem is that
I'm missing my past that's moved forward,
And I feel guilty about it because I'm very happy
With the people I'm surrounded with now.
I love my friends with all my heart,
And I've got a girl that I love too,
Though things aren't exactly as I'd have them be.
And it makes me think
That maybe
It's okay for friends to grow apart;
That's part of growing up.
And it's okay for people to change
Because it's not about being apart from your old friends
And changing them back to fit your memories
When you meet again.
It's okay for people to grow and change and
Get new friends,
Because that's just how humanity works,
And that's how you end up
Surrounded by people you adore.
That's when you discover
That changing your past is worthless
And trying to keep up
Is pointless
Because there's people around you
Who love you
Even as you're changing.
And this discovery
Makes all the difference.
June 17, 2012
Saturday, May 26, 2012
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
Ballad in the Evening
Where, oh where, has my ladylove gone?
Where, oh where, can she be?
With her face cut short, and her hair cut long,
Oh where, oh where, can she be?
Why, oh why, has my ladylove gone?
Why, oh why, did she leave?
With her rope sliced clean, and her blood everywhere,
Oh why, oh why, did she leave?
How, oh how, has my ladylove gone?
How, oh how, did she flee?
With her disfigured face, and her raw beaten skin,
Oh how, oh how did she flee?
To whom, to whom, has my ladylove gone?
To whom, to whom, can she see?
With her gouged-out eyes she can't get very far,
With whom, with whom, can she be?
3/27/2012
Where, oh where, can she be?
With her face cut short, and her hair cut long,
Oh where, oh where, can she be?
Why, oh why, has my ladylove gone?
Why, oh why, did she leave?
With her rope sliced clean, and her blood everywhere,
Oh why, oh why, did she leave?
How, oh how, has my ladylove gone?
How, oh how, did she flee?
With her disfigured face, and her raw beaten skin,
Oh how, oh how did she flee?
To whom, to whom, has my ladylove gone?
To whom, to whom, can she see?
With her gouged-out eyes she can't get very far,
With whom, with whom, can she be?
3/27/2012
Thursday, March 22, 2012
The Peace of Death
"Pax Mortis"
The peace of death is swift I hear;
You slip away as folks around you jeer
And laugh at your cause.
The peace of death is cruel I know;
Your predator leaves your flesh in the snow
To be devoured by sour scavengers.
The peace of death is sweet I feel;
You resent your life and so are peeled
Away from it by a kind soul.
The peace of death is relief I think;
The earth is really full of a stink,
Perhaps it's the first realm of Hell?
The end of life is death I hear;
No more lies, no more fear.
The release from an empty world.
3/22/2012
-Amy
The peace of death is swift I hear;
You slip away as folks around you jeer
And laugh at your cause.
The peace of death is cruel I know;
Your predator leaves your flesh in the snow
To be devoured by sour scavengers.
The peace of death is sweet I feel;
You resent your life and so are peeled
Away from it by a kind soul.
The peace of death is relief I think;
The earth is really full of a stink,
Perhaps it's the first realm of Hell?
The end of life is death I hear;
No more lies, no more fear.
The release from an empty world.
3/22/2012
-Amy
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
My friends, the voices in my head.
"The Voices"
The voices in my hair
Always leave me with despair.
Where'd they come from?
Why're they here?
They stay brief
Then disappear
The first voice was a fry;
High and squeaky like a fly.
Does he need me?
Is he scared?
Nah, call him back
I wouldn't dare.
The second was a man;
A voice so firm, like big, strong hands.
Why's he calling?
Do I know him?
Perhaps I'm needed
On his whim.
The third voice was evil;
Quite a personality upheaval.
What does it want?
What can this mean?
A demon's paging me;
His soul unclean.
These three friends I have
Caused me wounds that needed a salve.
They haunt my days
And sleepless nights,
Sometimes after
I have huge fights.
These voices I hear
Are driving me mad,
But maybe their company
Is not quite so bad.
3/20/2012
The voices in my hair
Always leave me with despair.
Where'd they come from?
Why're they here?
They stay brief
Then disappear
The first voice was a fry;
High and squeaky like a fly.
Does he need me?
Is he scared?
Nah, call him back
I wouldn't dare.
The second was a man;
A voice so firm, like big, strong hands.
Why's he calling?
Do I know him?
Perhaps I'm needed
On his whim.
The third voice was evil;
Quite a personality upheaval.
What does it want?
What can this mean?
A demon's paging me;
His soul unclean.
These three friends I have
Caused me wounds that needed a salve.
They haunt my days
And sleepless nights,
Sometimes after
I have huge fights.
These voices I hear
Are driving me mad,
But maybe their company
Is not quite so bad.
3/20/2012
Thursday, February 9, 2012
So cold.
The world is so cold in the way
It throws it's children away
To the depths of the pit of
Hell, to rot for all eternity,
While the guilty watch from above.
Alone.
The feeling of loneliness
Penetrates the emptiness
And makes you remember
That no one really cares; no one
Will come to your rescue when your wrought with despair.
No one cares.
The world we were made for
Doesn't want us; nor
Do our brothers or or foes. We belong no where,
And simultaneously everywhere,
And as a legion of the Lost and Broken
We surround our home
But are not able to release it; not able to return to it
Lest the debt be paid; the swords drawn and blood spilled.
We and our brothers,
As a kingdom of brothers,
Must band together and oppose
The forces which oppress us.
The cold world of those who rule
Will be destroyed,
And our innocents will suffer no longer.
2/9/2012
-Amy
The world is so cold in the way
It throws it's children away
To the depths of the pit of
Hell, to rot for all eternity,
While the guilty watch from above.
Alone.
The feeling of loneliness
Penetrates the emptiness
And makes you remember
That no one really cares; no one
Will come to your rescue when your wrought with despair.
No one cares.
The world we were made for
Doesn't want us; nor
Do our brothers or or foes. We belong no where,
And simultaneously everywhere,
And as a legion of the Lost and Broken
We surround our home
But are not able to release it; not able to return to it
Lest the debt be paid; the swords drawn and blood spilled.
We and our brothers,
As a kingdom of brothers,
Must band together and oppose
The forces which oppress us.
The cold world of those who rule
Will be destroyed,
And our innocents will suffer no longer.
2/9/2012
-Amy
Thursday, January 26, 2012
The Demon
He's upsetting the nest;
That scary, flesh-eating creature.
If he takes another cruel step towards my children,
I'll never forgive him.
He's purposefully taunting me.
Something I banished and hoped would never return
Now haunts my very existence.
Is he thinking of getting me back?
If revenge is what he wants,
Revenge will I play.
My babies are in danger, and as a mother,
How can I not protect them from the beast?
Perhaps I can't stop him
From contaminating my innocents,
But if he ever tries to take my Love
He won't live another day.
-January 26, 2012
That scary, flesh-eating creature.
If he takes another cruel step towards my children,
I'll never forgive him.
He's purposefully taunting me.
Something I banished and hoped would never return
Now haunts my very existence.
Is he thinking of getting me back?
If revenge is what he wants,
Revenge will I play.
My babies are in danger, and as a mother,
How can I not protect them from the beast?
Perhaps I can't stop him
From contaminating my innocents,
But if he ever tries to take my Love
He won't live another day.
-January 26, 2012
Unrequited Love
An unrequited love.
a paralyzing way to know
Your wish will never unfold.
Cares are given
None received
All hopes entertained
I am being deceived.
My heart is lost
To the one I adore
She steals it blindly
By helping, she hurts me more.
-January 23, 2012
a paralyzing way to know
Your wish will never unfold.
Cares are given
None received
All hopes entertained
I am being deceived.
My heart is lost
To the one I adore
She steals it blindly
By helping, she hurts me more.
-January 23, 2012
Thursday, January 5, 2012
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
Hey guys,
It came to my attention today that I've never shown where my poems reside before I post them here, to Blogger. They are all (with the exception of a few) handwritten in a 100% recycled journal that I got three years ago at a going-out-of-business furniture store. I only use this notebook for poems, and I used to have a self-proclaimed rule that I would only write in pencil. Then I discovered how horribly pencil smears over time, so now I only use pen. *Just a little history about my poems, for those of you who have been here for a while.
So here's a picture of my poem book with my newest (venting) entry, which doesn't have a title.
So here's a picture of my poem book with my newest (venting) entry, which doesn't have a title.
Amy
P.S. Sorry if you can't read it... :[
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